Things that make you say: "What???"

The following post is nothing to do with Mormonism, by the way.

Details have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, but this is, in essence, a true story.

Mr Exx comes home from work one day. He finds his wife in a state of considerable distress and anger. "What on Earth is the matter?" asks Mr Exx, who is concerned and worried about his wife.

"It's that bloody 'friend' of mine, Mary! She just will not leave me alone to get on with any housework! She was here for hours today! Just sat there, gossiping! "

There then followed a sixty minute rant about how evil Mary was, what a worthless person Mary was, how Mrs Exx wished she had never met Mary, etc., etc., etc.

After sixty minutes of this episode of the "Everyone Hates Mary" show, Mr Exx was becoming more than a little agitated, himself. He said: "Well, logically, the best thing to do is tell Mary not to come round to our house, if she is that much of a nuisance to you, and seeing as how much you hate her?"

It was at this moment that a logical disconnect suddenly sandbagged Mr Exx. "Aha!" Shouted Mrs Exx, triumphantly. "Now we have arrived at the truth! You do not want me to have friends! You want to keep me isolated from everyone!"

Apparently, without Mr Exx being aware of this fact, someone had switched channels from the "Everyone Hates Mary" show to a new programme entitled: "Mr Exx, the Evil, Sexist Pig" show.

There then followed a rather rancorous two hour 'debate' in which all of the alleged failings of Mr Exx, and of his parents and his siblings were brought out and made to dance like holographic puppets.

After this, whilst Mr Exx was virtually shaking with anger, having naturally been left feeling terribly upset, Mrs Exx abruptly stopped being a ball of fury, instantly calmed down, smiled sweetly and said: "Do you fancy a cup of tea?"

All Mr Exx could say was: "Yes please," because he knew that if he had said anything else, he would not have been able to control his tongue let alone his temper.

It's probable that Mrs Exx transferred the rage (justified or unjustified) that she felt towards Mary on to her husband, Mr Exx. Is this blame transfer a common phenomenon, or not?

I would be pleased to have your comments on this.

That old passive aggression trick again

Is there someone in your life who likes to employ that old passive aggressive technique in order to goad you into an argument?

A sibling, partner, wife, husband, child, parent, employer, church leader, boss or co-worker?

They ask you apparently sweet and reasonable questions, try to help you by pointing out your many and varied faults: "I am really only doing this for your own good. You DO understand that, don't you?"

They also act like master magicians, employing techniques of misdirection and the verbal equivalent of prestidigitation that would make members of the Magic Circle gasp with admiration.

You also get blamed for things that are not your fault, and you are blamed for events that are beyond your control or totally outside your sphere of influence. This can often involve a masterful technique known as blame transfer. If X makes a mistake they often feel unable to take responsibility so they will blame the nearest person for that mistake.

"If YOU had not been standing there, I would not have dropped that bottle. Therefore even though I dropped the bottle it was your fault!"

"I had an argument with someone whilst I was out. I did not feel brave enough to call them on their bad behaviour. So somehow, and although this does not seem fair or logical, I will come home and foment an argument with you so that I can take out my anger and frustation on you!"

"Your brother/sister is special. You are not. I will make you the sacrificial goat aka whipping boy/girl so that the bad behaviour of your brother/sister will not go unpunished. It may seem unfair that your brother/sister gets away with their bad behaviour whilst you are unfairly punished, but that's just how things are, here. And, in years to come, when we have turned your brother/sister in to a monster, we will work out some passive-aggressive way of blaming YOU for that totally predictable turn of events, too."