Thursday, October 26, 2006

My experiment

I tried an experiment with my mother, recently.

I called her in July, I think it was. She told me how much she loved talking to me, how much she missed our conversations and my sense of humour. (That's not quite how I remember it, as she was always critical of my sense of humour. (Apparently I was too rude!")

So, I thought, OK, well let's see how this works. I decided to use the old British tradition that if someone phones you then that means, in general terms, that they owe you a phone call.

So, I waited for her call and to continue the communications that she said she wanted. I waited in vain. In fact, after four months I got bored and phoned her. And got more of the I miss speaking with you blah blah blah, etc., nonsense.

I then came to a sad realisation. My mother wants to talk with me... but not really!

My mother wants to talk to the Mormon me who has not existed since I was 22 or so. I am now 49 and have not been a Mormon for the best part of 30 bloodly years!

But my exmormonism is still just a phase, of course.

I feel sorry for her. But there's nothing I can do .

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Ghostly gift for the person who has it all!

How will you be spending Halloween? Tucked up in bed with a really scary dvd and your teddy maybe? OK... But what if you you fancy something a little more, shall we say, adventurous?

Then how about spending the night ghost hunting? You can take part in a real live ghost hunt at one of the most haunted locations across the UK. Imagine, being part of a late night vigil,accompanied by a medium, using genuine ghost hunting equipment to detect any paranormal activity you might encounter? Wouldn't that be something else? has a single (£95.00) or two person (£185.00) Ghost Hunting ‘experience’ which will be the ultimate gidt expereience.

What are you waiting for? and so much better than watching a DVD!

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

But… what if it’s NOT your fault and not your problem?

OK, let’s see… Your brothers and sisters never see you, they do not like their children being alone with you, your parents think you are one of Satan’s minions.

What are you? A murderer? Child molesterA rapist? A convicted fraudster? No. Just a former Mormon.

When my brother found out that I was talking to my nephew at a family (nevermo) party he could not wait to run over to us at the party (knocking an elderly nevermo relation out of the way in his indecent haste. Way to go, bruv!)

Apparently he thought I was an evil influence on my nephew and would try to lead him to the pathway to Hell.

The truth was that within minutes I found out more about my nephew than his stupid father (my brother) had in his life.

I had found out that he had been binge drinking with a mate several times and I was actually advising him to take it easy with alcohol. Not that my brother would believe that. But that’s HIS problem!

But of course, as I am a filthy, degenerate apostate ™ © then I can have no good intentions and no noble objectives. Of course not. Because, of course, only Mormons know The Truth ™! The Truth? Sadly most Mormons would not know the truth if it bit them on the arse.

But we feel guilty when we do something non-Mormon like drink coffee or have a glass of beer with our meal.

But this is NOT our fault, nor is it our problem.

They are, after all, the ones who are following the example of a rapist and child molester and convicted fraudster, not us...

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Are Mormons Christians?

Are Mormons Christians? That’s a subject that comes up quite often over at the RFM board. Some people say no, some yes.

But are they? I like to use analogies. So let’s try this one.

You feel the need to help fight against crime. It is something that has concerned you for years, and whilst you are figuring out what to do, there is a knock at the door. “Hello. We are in your neighbourhood promoting crime fighting. Are you interested in becoming a crime fighter?” says the young man on your doorstep.

Wow. What a coincidence! You invite him in. He tells you he is from a body called National Crime Fighters. He explains that National Crime Fighters is the only body for civilians who want to become crime fighter.

You decide you will join. After all you want the opportunity to help fight crime and this organisation called National Crime Fighters seems perfect.

You sign up. You get a cardboard badge to wear and some leaflets that have titles such as: “Crime. We are against it”. It is your job to promote the National Crime Fighters by handing the leaflets out at country shows, craft fairs, on the street, etc. You attend meetings every week with other National Crime Fighters volunteers and hear talks on “Crime. We do not like it,” and so forth.

You begin to have doubts. After all, you wanted to help fight crime. But with the National Crime Fighters all you ever do is hand out useless leaflets and attending boring meetings.

Eventually, while you are out you come across a smartly dressed man. He is wearing a very shiny metal badge with the words International Crime Fighters on it. You approach him and ask him about his organisation.

He tells you that it is an organisation dedicated to fighting crime. They provide help to the victims of crime, install free burglar alarms in people’s homes, and act as the eyes and ears of the law enforcement agencies around the world.

So. You were lied to. National Crime Fighters was NOT the only organisation you could have joined. So why did they lie to you? And how come you only got a crappy, flimsy badge and to attend boring meetings whilst the members of International Crime Fighters got to help prevent and help crime.

But there is worse. The next day you see newspaper headlines that reveal that the National Crime Fighters organisation was set up by a convicted fraudster and that the National Crime Fighters was nothing but a front to help him defraud people.

You then join International Crime Fighters and help fight and prevent crime.

Question. When you were a genuine crime fighter whilst you were with the National Crime Fighters or not?