Monday, January 28, 2008

Extra! Extra! Late final! Additions to the 27/01/2008 COV

"Here ya go!"

http://sideon.wordpress.com/2008/01/26/articles-of-faith/

“And so it came to pass that Chanson posted an extensive list of the bloggers of Outer Blogness. An inspired moment led this fearless heathen to post this comment:

“By golly, that’s a lot of Outer Blogness. I’m thinkin’ a collaborative Book of Exmormon would be nifty - we could pilfer the best and brightest ideas, concepts, images and create one serialized book that celebrates diversity, sexuality, the various isms or ologies, with a nice hat tip towards adult erotica (visual or textual). May the farce be with you. Drats, that’s already taken, but I’m sure one of us thought of it first! We can backdate our journals to prove it.” “

http://www.seeingreality.com/starbright/?p=178

“In memory of Robert “Bobby” James Fischer (9 Mar 1943 - 18 Jan 2008)”

(MATTT: And also, let’s just mention the fact that Mr Gordon Hinckley is dead. I was going to write something witty, but I thought: “Oh, sod it! The poor old chap is dead, let him rest in peace.”)

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Carnival of the Veil for Sunday January 27


Welcome to this issue of The Carnival of the Veil. IT is a very peaceful Sunday lunchtime as I write this issue of COV.

My wife is downstairs chatting to a friend, the parrots are dozing, and so are the cats. The sun has gone behind some rain clouds. They aren’t raining yet, but they look as if it is only a matter of time before they do!

And here I sit upstairs on my study, working away. I have taken a break from writing articles for my online news magazines to get the COV up on line. If you would like to take a look at my online magazines you can access them via www.thatsnews.org.uk.

Enough self-promotion! On with the show!

First we kick off with a post from fiddley.com’s In The News blog at

http://fiddley.com/archive/200801/in_the_news_double_entendres_and_double_standards

“When asked about newly-inaugurated Salt Lake City mayor Ralph Becker's proposed registry for domestic partners, State Senator Chris Buttars (R - West Jordan) replied, "I have great empathy for that kind of thing. I have no problem with people sharing insurance or their wills, estates, real estate or lives. I just have to be certain we're not coming in the back door of the Amendment 3 [ban on gay marriage and civil unions]."

I'm sorry... did he just say, coming in the back door of Amendment 3? I thought so. Poor choice of words, Senator Butthole. Personally, I hope the registry gives Amendment 3 a reach-around and a Dirty Sanchez.”

(MATT: And this from a senator called BUTTarse or something like that…)

And now South Bay Soliloquies (Has to be one of the coolest blog names ever)

http://south-bay-soliloquies.blogspot.com/2008/01/divided.html

“I want to be in a relationship but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, someone who doesn't, for want of a better term, suck.
I want to be single but I hate waking up in the morning to myself in the cold. I hate not having anyone to share my life with.
I feel like I'm missing a huge part of why I'm single and yet other people's advice seriously annoys me. I'm convinced that every theory on why single people are single is full of enough cow manure you could swim in it.”

(MATT: Life sometimes is a bit of a pain in the bottom, isn’t it? My specialist subject is stating the bleedin’ obvious!)

But now a book review from South Bay Soliloquies

http://south-bay-soliloquies.blogspot.com/2008/01/book-review-if-love-is-game-these-are.html

“Most self-help books aren't worth the paper they're printed on. Most of them are filled with some of the most unloving language possible, blaming the other sex for your relationship problems, immature coping techniques, etc. Most I think create more drama than they resolve.

I'm most probably not the most emotionally mature 24 year old on the planet, and the past month has certainly not been a good one for me in terms of maturity. However, at least I see that flaw on me and I know it's something I can work on.

I first read major portions of If Love is a Game, These are the Rules in Barnes and Noble about a year ago. This book is without a doubt the most honest, truly open book on fixing ourselves and by extension our relationships. How do we authentically get the love we truly want and deserve? How do we build a sense of our own self-worth? How do we maintain love once we've found it? This book will teach you that and more.”

(MATT: Don’t worry. There’s plenty of time for being mature later on in life. Although I seem to be less mature now at 50 than I was at 25. Oh, well!)


Next up is a post from Emerging From the Ashes

http://emergingfromtheashes.blogspot.com/2007/12/immorality-education.html

“Like other Mormon young women (doesn't everyone else call them teenagers or youth?), I had the importance of "morality" drilled into me. Morals and ethics are fine things, but in Mormon parlance, "morality" means one thing: abstinence from sex. Conversely, "immorality" means having sex. Why the terms took on such specific meanings I cannot fathom, and I believe it creates a skewed idea of what morality actually is, but that the topic of this post. What I want to talk about is the Mormon version of teaching youth about sex.

As a youth, I was taught that immorality (which I always had to sort out in my head as different from immortality, another hot topic in Mormon churches) was bad, bad, bad, to be avoided at all costs, and just downright bad. Fornication was listed as the third worst sin, after murder (number two), and denying the Spirit (whatever that means). How messed up is that? Also, if you were "immoral," you were unworthy to go to the temple. And it was the temple where you wanted to get married, to start your eternal family, so you had better avoid immorality!”

(MATT: Odd, isn’t it, that although Mormon young people are not allowed to f**k with their bodies, the Mormon Church likes to f**k with their minds…)

Kita Kazoo sends in this link from the Desert News. I thank God my parents never emigrated to Utah as they planned at one time.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695246368,00.html

“Gregory "Doc" Lowery, owner of Happy Valley Tattoo & Piercing, believes American Fork police trampled his civil rights when they raided his shop in early January looking for what police say were questionable photographs.

Police obtained a search warrant for the shop after a man called police and said his daughter had seen photographs he felt were inappropriate for minors to view, said Lt. Darren Falslev. They executed the search warrant on Jan. 3 and took the pictures, photos of genital piercings, for further investigation. Falslev said police have turned their findings over to the county attorney's office, which will decide whether to file charges.”

(MATT: FWIW, I left a comment there.)


And now from CV Rick, Ninja Writer

http://www.cvrick.com/cv_rick/2008/01/i-never-had-a-p.html

“When I was sixteen years old I wanted to have a party. I was fairly popular, on the basketball team, a track star, getting good grades, and there wasn't anyone of note who wanted to beat me up. It was a pretty good year.

I went to my parents and asked if I could have a party. Mom smiled brightly, I remember. “That could be fun,”she said. This was an opportunity to make me happy at home, and as a teenager, I didn't have much happy time in the house.

“No,” my father said.

“But, why not?” I asked.

“There is no reason to have a party here. If you want to have a party, then just ask the clerk if you can reserve the gymnasium.”

“At the church?” I couldn't have wrung any more disappointment from my voice if I'd twisted my tongue like a rag.

“Nothing wrong with the church. There's a kitchen, the gym's big, and it'll fit all your friends.” He was staring at me, daring me. I knew he had his comeback locked and loaded, and I was set to release the target.

“Not all of my friends are Mormon,” I protested.

He fired, “Then it would be a perfect opportunity to fellowship them. You could give them your testimony.” “

(MATT: What a bloody nightmare.)

And now for my post. This is not a problem I have ever had to deal with, thank God. But I posted it because it is clearly something that a lot of people deal with. It is from the male perspective, though I know that many women will have to deal with the same issues.

http://notamormon.blogspot.com/2008/01/your-ex-partner-has-someone-new-and.html

Your ex partner has someone new and introduced your kids - handle that!

The Biggest Ask

How do you come to terms with the fact that your ex-partner has someone new in their life and your children have met this new person?

Remember, it is completely acceptable and natural for your partner to move on and find themselves a new companion and partner. In fact, at some point in the future, you will be doing exactly the same, if you haven’t already.

First of all, that rising tide of nausea you feel when you first find out, and the waves of stress you feel when you start to hear all about them, is completely normal; as are all the other feelings that wash over you – anger, resentment, confusion, hurt, jealousy, loss and betrayal. Regardless of what caused you to separate from your ex-partner, it is quite likely that you will experience at least some, if not all, of these feelings at one point or another.”

See you in two weeks time!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Your ex partner has someone new and introduced your kids - handle that!

The Biggest Ask

How do you come to terms with the fact that your ex-partner has someone new in their life and your children have met this new person?

Remember, it is completely acceptable and natural for your partner to move on and find themselves a new companion and partner. In fact, at some point in the future, you will be doing exactly the same, if you haven’t already.

First of all, that rising tide of nausea you feel when you first find out, and the waves of stress you feel when you start to hear all about them, is completely normal; as are all the other feelings that wash over you – anger, resentment, confusion, hurt, jealousy, loss and betrayal. Regardless of what caused you to separate from your ex-partner, it is quite likely that you will experience at least some, if not all, of these feelings at one point or another.

Below are ten tips to help you deal with this most difficult of situations: “The Biggest Ask”.

(Although this article is written from the point of view of a separated dad, it applies equally well to separated mums if the genders are reversed, so all these tips are dedicated to every separated parent (dads AND mums) who at some point have to accept that their ex-partner has met someone new.)

Remember, you will always be your children’s dad

You are their only dad, they love you unconditionally, and no one can ever take your place. Your children will never say ‘he’s my dad’ about anyone else - because that’s you. You are not being ousted or replaced by another man, even though the new person may spend more time with your children. In fact, it is right now that your children need you to be ‘their dad’ more than ever before, and help them as they adjust to the new situation.

Let your anger out, but not in front of your children

Don’t bottle up your anger, because that will make you ill. However, you have to find the right time to express your feelings. Don’t let your children see your anger and frustration about the new person.

They have to spend time with the new person and they need to feel free to build a normal friendship with them. Remember you want your children to be happy. It is likely that they are going to find it difficult to get used to a new person in their home, and you can’t help them if they see you hurt and angry at the situation.

However, do allow your anger to come out. Sit in the back garden and bark at the moon if you must. Rail against the injustice of it all if that helps. But do it in an environment where you feel safe, with someone you trust – a friend or family member; if you have neither, then tell your doctor. There are always ways to let your feelings out and it’s important that you do let them out.

Don’t criticise your ex’s new partner in front of your children

Accept that this new man is there in your ex-partner’s life, in the lives of your children and in part, in your life too. If you criticise him in front of your children then they may become defensive or withdrawn. They may like him and criticising him will set you on a collision course with your children – the worst of all worlds.

Think of the situation from the children’s point of view

There is a new adult in their lives. They may feel guilty about liking him, because they think it might be disloyal to you. They may resent him taking up their space and their mother’s attention. It will probably confirm to them the sad truth that you and their mum will never be together again.

If they have fun times with the new person, it is likely that will feel awkward about things they have done together. They may even have been told to keep certain things secret. All of these thoughts and feelings are big things for your children to deal with, and come at a time when things are difficult anyway.

Remember, this isn’t just about you and your feelings, however awful you may feel, your children may not be too far behind you.

Don’t try and buy your children’s love with toys and treats

You can not show your children that you love them by buying them presents. Don’t suddenly start going out for big treats or expensive meals. All that will do is set up a bad association between establishing new relationships and material gain. Be the same person you have always been to them, that’s what they want and need.

Expensive toys and treats won’t make them love you more and won’t make you feel better, and is absolutely no substitute for your time. It’s really tough to keep your nerve when your children come to your house and tell you of a wonderful trip they went on, or the new person’s big posh car, or a fabulous holiday that they are planning, but remember, this isn’t a competition and you have nothing to prove.

Over and over, grown up children of separated parents say that these “big gesture” treats are no substitute for the parent that was always there for them, always knew what they were thinking and took an interest in them as a person. If you are in doubt, think back to when you were a child… what are the important things that you remember?

Show your children that you love them and you are there for them

As things change around your children, and new people come into their lives, you will of course feel that you want to demonstrate your love for them. This would be a good time to sit down together and plan a picnic, a day out or some other activity. Why not use this opportunity to book all their school concert dates into your work diary and make sure you have enough annual leave to attend their school fate and or sports day.

Do nice things with them, don’t go to a restaurant, instead, cook a meal together, or play football with them, or make something together (there’s plenty of ideas on dadcando). If you haven’t already done so, start a little routine with them, like getting a bun together when you pick them up, something simple that can become special to you, and something they can rely on.

Let your children talk about how they feel about the situation and listen to them

Your children may be experiencing many of the feelings you are and you may be the only person they can turn to who really understands them. You are their dad. You have it in you to make them happy. Accept that you can’t change things, but you can let your children know that it is OK to talk about their feelings to you.

This will be quite tough, because it means you will have to put your own feelings on hold while you help them. It also means not letting your own feelings about the new person intrude into the conversation. Treat what they say with care and respect and do not use this opportunity to manipulate their feelings.

Do make use of the special and irreplaceable bond between you and your children to help them through this potentially confusing time. Reassure them that whatever they have to say, it’s OK, because ‘you’re their dad.’

Depending on their age, you might find that you have to explain that there are different types of love and that just because mummy has a new partner it doesn’t mean that she loves them less. Whatever you do, be sensitive and respect the trust they put in you by telling you things.

Mentally prepare to meet the new partner

Either picking up the kids or dropping them off, or even while shopping in your local town, you are likely to meet the new partner at some point. It is a good idea to mentally prepare for that moment.

Some single fathers can accept the role their ex’s new partner plays in his children’s lives and are content with the situation, so long as their children are happy. However, the majority of fathers don’t relish the thought of meeting their ex’s new partner, particularly if that means meeting him at the door of what was once the family home.

Now, you don’t have to be pals with the guy, or take him down to the pub. Aim for polite civility, a business like relationship. Remember, your children are NOT having to choose between the two of you, he is just another part of their lives now, and you have to adjust to that.

Never be threatening or violent, it is unjustified and illegal and your children will lose all respect for you.

Don’t compare yourself with the new partner

It’s any easy trap to fall into, but you must try not to compare yourself to the new person. This is harder than it sounds, because even for the most emotionally secure people, even for those who have fully accepted that the relationship they had with their children’s mother is over, the arrival of a new man on the scene seems to exaggerate their past inability to make that relationship work.

Fight the urge to compare yourself with the new person. Stop yourself thinking: ‘Why does she like him instead of me? - What does she see in him? - What can he do that I can’t?’ Remember that money or looks are not what makes a great relationship (there are plenty of film stars to prove that), so comparing yourself unfavourably in either of those departments is less than useless.

If there are lessons to learn from how you have behaved, or things that you did wrong that helped finish the relationship, then look to yourself to correct those, so that you don’t make the same mistakes again, rather than comparing yourself with your ex’s new partner.

Don’t start a new relationship of your own just to spite your ex-partner

If knowing that your ex has found someone new gives you the permission you feel you need to start dating again, great, but don’t start (or finish for that matter) a relationship, just to make a point to your ex-partner.

You are separate from your ex-partner now and doing things to spite them or just to show them that you don’t care, shows exactly the opposite, in a disastrous way that ends up hurting you, your children and whoever else gets caught up in this particular game.

Getting into a relationship (for all the wrong reasons), that isn’t right for you, is bound to make your life much worse not better.

If you want to show your ex, that like them, you have moved on too, do so by being independent of them. Start making decisions about your life based on what makes YOU happy, not by what makes your ex-partner unhappy.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Hi. Hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year. And welcome to this edition of Carnival of the Veil.

Firstly let’s take a look at Eight Hour Lunch

http://www.eighthourlunch.com/2008/01/big-fat-friday-bff-invitation.html

“A couple of years ago on a bulletin board I used to visit, a bunch of us started a remote workout group. Of course distance prevented any of us from actually meeting each other, but we reported in regularly with our progress. For a long time it was a great way to get or stay in shape and make new friends.

So with that in mind, I'd like to propose BFF - Big Fat Friday as an online group event. I've already written chapter one, but I'd love for a bunch of you to join me in your fitness goals for the new year.”

(MATT: Now that’s an interesting idea. Somewhat scary, but an interesting idea never-the-less!)

Kita doesn’t think she will have anything for this issue, but kindly points out that Doc does. http://docloco.com/2008/01/utah-police-violate-church-pt-2.html

“Rev. Dr. Gregory Lowrey

Healer, Counselor, CEO

In Part 2 of this report, I will try to summarize Part 1 and include a summary history of the efforts of American Fork City to harass Whole Life Ministries since we moved to American Fork, Utah in March 2007.

Since writing part 1, I have been in contact with several private and government agencies regarding this matter and have found support at the County, State and Federal levels of Government while locally; American Fork Government is typically giving me the cold shoulder.”

(MATT: Having read this report all I can say is thank God my parents did not emigrate to Utah from Britain as they at one time planned to do.)

And this just in hot off the presses from Eight Hour Lunch!

http://www.eighthourlunch.com/2008/01/porn-again.html

“A few days ago someone told me with confidence that Utah leads the nation in porn consumption.”

(Matt: But Eight Hour Lunch remains to be convinced! -Though wasn’t there something on the RFM board not so long back about Google Search terms and didn’t porn search terms crop up rather a lot in SLC?)

And the next post is one from South Bay Soliloquies:

http://south-bay-soliloquies.blogspot.com/2008/01/date-night.html

“I'm made dinner tonight for a fellow. He's a nice fellow - I'm afraid I'm going to screw it up. But then, do I really want to be in a relationship? I mean, some aspects of relationships are nice, but I don't know if I really want to deal with some one else's issues. I have enough troubles dealing with my own!”

(MATT: If you fed him the recipes that you posted on your blog, he might not want to leave!)

And here is my contribution for this edition of COV

http://notamormon.blogspot.com/2008/01/big-love-complete-first-season-debuts.html

“Big Love The Complete First Season Debuts on DVD 3 March in UK

"Fascinating...first-rate drama" - Time Magazine

How would you cope with being one of three wives to your devoted husband, competing for his time and affection?

Find out what it would be like the easier way as multiple Emmy® Award and Golden Globe® Award nominee BIG LOVE finally finds itself wed to DVD as The Complete First Season debuts on 3 March 2008 from HBO Video.

All 12 episodes and exclusive special features will be presented across 5 discs at the 'family value' price of £39.99 RRP….

“…The series, as broadcast on five tells the story of Bill Henrickson (Bill Paxton), a practicing Mormon fundamentalist polygamist who lives in suburban Salt Lake City with his three wives and seven children.”

(MATT: Oh. Did I mention that they were a family of Mormon fundamentalist polygamists? Oh, dear. I did!)

Do you know anyone who runs an exmoblog and who doesn’t submit it to COV? Please pass on an invitation to them to start submitting posts from their blogs.

See you all in two weeks time at the next edition of COV.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Big Love The Complete First Season Debuts on DVD 3 March in UK

"Fascinating...first-rate drama" - Time Magazine

How would you cope with being one of three wives to your devoted husband, competing for his time and affection?

Find out what it would be like the easier way as multiple Emmy® Award and Golden Globe® Award nominee BIG LOVE finally finds itself wed to DVD as The Complete First Season debuts on 3 March 2008 from HBO Video.

All 12 episodes and exclusive special features will be presented across 5 discs at the 'family value' price of £39.99 RRP.

Intriguing, quirky and wholly original, BIG LOVE is an exciting contemporary new HBO series whose provocative, offbeat subject matter, coupled with its high-profile cast and producers, make it a unique and highly-collectible show in the vein of Six Feet Under.

With three times the love, intrigue and betrayal, Big Love is a family drama like you’ve never seen before.

The Daily Mail described the series as the “perfect dramatic backdrop for the most dysfunctional family of the century” and The Daily Telegraph hailed it as “a cross between The Sopranos, Desperate Housewives and Six Feet Under”.

The series, as broadcast on five tells the story of Bill Henrickson (Bill Paxton), a practicing Mormon fundamentalist polygamist who lives in suburban Salt Lake City with his three wives and seven children.

An independent businessman who runs a growing chain of hardware stores, Bill faces a myriad of challenges in meeting the emotional, romantic and financial needs of his wives – Barb (Jeanne Tripplehorn – Basic Instinct), Nicki (ChloĆ« Sevigny – Boys Don’t Cry) and Margene (Ginnifer Goodwin – Walk the Line).

The DVD set will include the special features;
• Two Audio Commentaries
• Short - Big Love: A Balancing Act On Ice

Release Date: 3 March 2008
Copyright: HBO
Video Certificate: 15
Genre: Drama
Price: £39.99 RRP
Running Time: 643 mins approx
Audio: English 5.1
Website: www.homeboxoffice.co.uk

Trombone Shorty Gives a Special Christmas Gift to the People of New Orleans

The newly built church was filled to its capacity of 1500 seats; people were seated in the aisles, standing in the doorways, and waiting in the hallway to hear the music. Traffic around the church was snarled and backed up for six blocks, as more people continued to make their way to hear Trombone Shorty, and his musical guests perform at a free Christmas concert at the First Baptist Church of New Orleans this past week, it was announced today by New Orleans Music Hall of Fame.

Caption: Troy Trombone Shorty Andrews performsTrombone Shorty and Orleans Avenue, along with the Louisiana Philharmonic Orchestra, and the Shades of Praise Choir, headlined the three-hour performance. Also performing were Ms. Susan King, a inspirational Gospel singer, and Terc Martinez, a up and coming Latin vocalist, with a special cameo appearance by Irvin Mayfield. The unique composition of the public concert reflected the changing population of the City of New Orleans, after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina.

Families, churchgoers, civil servants, and politicians alike basked in the warmth of the rich musical sounds of this one of a kind concert. Lt. Governor Mitch Landrieu praised Trombone Shorty for his dedication to the community, and honored him with an award from the State of Louisiana. Senator Diana Bajoie of Louisiana awarded him with a state proclamation for his musical contributions, and Mayor Ray Nagin also attended the multi-cultural event, and presented Trombone Shorty with a proclamation from the City of New Orleans. City Council members were also in attendance, along with State Representative Juan LeFonte, who also awarded Trombone Shorty with a declaration from the State of Louisiana House - all had come to hear this unique musical Christmas event organized by the New Orleans Music Hall of Fame featuring New Orleans's newest shining star, Troy "Trombone Shorty" Andrews.

"This is a time of unity and celebration - a time when the people of New Orleans can come together and enjoy some of the unique musical culture this city is famous for worldwide," said New Orleans Music Hall of Fame Founder and Executive Director, PopAgee Johnson. "This holiday is also a return to normalcy for many New Orleans natives - for many residents, this is the first time that the people have come together since the storm to celebrate together - and what better time than Christmas."

The concert was an unprecedented success - in fact, it was so successful that people had to be turned away due to fire code restrictions. Standing ovations happened many times throughout the night, and many people were seen with tears in their eyes during the song performed by the entire assembly, "O Holy Night." For some of the officials and business owners attending the event, the show was an eye- opener; a reminder of one of the amazing local resources that was severely affected by the Hurricane - the musicians of the city, and their dedication to the people of the city.

PopAgee Johnson, who was traveling on a forty-city tour with Trombone Shorty, thought of the idea of the musicians giving a free concert to the people of the City this year for Christmas. Less than four weeks before the event, the musicians and the Hall of Fame banded together to make this incredible event happen with the support of local businesses, the City of New Orleans, the State of Louisiana, and the newly built First Baptist Church of New Orleans.

The concert was an immense success, and helped to remind the people of the City and the State of why the community and people of New Orleans are so unique and varied, and worth fighting for. There were children and adults alike sitting in the aisle, pews, and yes, even the hallway, listening to the sweet sounds of a New Orleans Christmas - sounds of unity - and hope.

More information about Trombone Shorty and The New Orleans Music Hall of Fame is available at www.nomhf.org or by calling Scott Willis at 504-525-7694.