Sunday, June 03, 2007

My wife, myself, the barbecue and the racist abuse aimed at us

We had a fascinating day, yesterday. We had been invited to a barbecue with a couple we are or were, friendly with.

He arrived an hour after he said he would (he always does, so we were expecting him to be late) but for some reason she decided to start up on him. She really ripped in to him and whilst we were sat, shocked, in their back garden, they continued the argument indoors.

Within seconds it had degenerated into a nasty physical fight, with both of them trading blows. We were then subject to a quick bout of racist abuse from him (he is a Sikh and she is white) and he advised that he "did not want f**king neighbours interfering in his business," and advised us to "f**k off" and he went on to refer to us as "white f**kers". This was especially and deeply offensive to my wife as her family originated in India before moving to Wales, so his remark was well out of order.

So, not unnaturally, we left.

An hour later he was round at our house, apologising, and inviting us round for the bloody barbecue! But he was unaware that we had heard his racist abuse. Actually, his racist outburst at me was hurtful, but it was my wife I felt for mostly, as he is fully aware that my wife is very proud of her Indian heritage.

From the attitude of his wife and of himself afterwards (you know what I mean by that, I am sure) it became clear that the fight was nothing but a charade! It would seem that she starts a fight, hits him, then goads him into hitting her, then they make up by rutting like goats!

Now, if they have the kind of sick relationship that believes that domestic violence is a normal and healthy part of a sexual relationship, then all I can say is: "Sorry, kids! No can do!"

I firmly believe that if a couple want to bash seven bells out of each other as part of a "loving" (sic) relationship, then that is their concern. However, I deeply, deeply resent a pair of arseholes trying to drag us into their sordid little dirty fantasy world.

I also have issues with this kind of behaviour interfering with the way the police deal with genuine cases of spousal abuse. After all, if the neighbours had dialed 999 and asked for the police to come, they would have found a happy, smiling (though scratched and bruised) couple. The police would have gone away, irritated that their time had been wasted.

But the next time they attend a report of spousal abuse they might not react as diligently as they might, remembering what had happened the last time they had received such a call. And a real victim of spousal abuse could be lying on the kitchen floor, dead, with a carving knife sticking out of their back.

Our friends (well, former friends?) quite clearly need counselling to help them understand that their behaviour is not normal, not safe and certainly is not appropriate. However, as they both seem firmly convinced that their behaviour is normal, then all the counselling in the world will not help them, and counselling is not an option for either of them, I would have thought.

The woman in the relationship whined to us recently that they do not seem able to keep friends. She blames it on the fact that they have a mixed relationship and that he drinks a lot. After their disgusting display yesterday, we suddenly realised that, in all probability, we are just the last in a long line of friends to suddenly realise what a sick pair of sad deviants they are...

Anyone else have weird 'friends' that make you go: "huhhhh?"


ian said...

You should smack the crap out of them and say "f**k you" and kick them in the nuts.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Matt, I recently read the book "The Women's Room" by Marilyn French, and in it is a couple, who behaved this way. I don't think it's as "deviant" as you think. I think it actually makes some people feel "alive."

I am NOT saying I am this way. I honestly have never tried the physical abuse sexual thing, and would probably not handle it so well. I would have HATED being in your situation, sitting there wishing I were anywhere but there in that moment.

Rick said...

Unbelievable. The fact that they can't see themselves and their actions as abusive, twisted, or even inappropriate is the most startling part of their relationship.

They need some serious help.

btw. I don't use blogger, so I have no idea what my blogger ID is going to be like. I'm really CV Rick

Matt said...

Thanks, Ian. Tempted though I am, I think I'll pass on the idea of kicking them in the nuts! :o)

AlexisAR said...

For what it's worth, I think it's reasonably deviant, Matt. And live in California, which is supposed to be the Motherland of deviants.